working working working and preparing myself mind body and soul for the agony/ecstasy that is Jazz Dance.

I’m finding the workload of this BTEC course far larger and harder than my degree level course.

Of course, I was in no fit state to be engaing with things back then.

Living life on life’s terms right now and spending most of it scared shitless and overwhelmed.

It’s only occaisionally tempting to numb it all out with a nice cold strong lager or pouring gin into my eyes

My default addict coping mechanism is still to disconnect, ignore, distance… Feels like an uphill struggle staying engaged.

Hayley and friends already commenting on how I’m changed though, I have tone and posture, a deeper voice, I move more fluidly.

Impossible to even half-engage with the dance/movement/physical theatre aspect of the studies without going through some emotional tubulence

Every movement is dictated by our internal landscapes, and every movement changes it. There’s a constant feedback loop.

Big links with meditation, and Crowleyean “Love under Will” stuff here, I think.

It horrible and scary how disconnecting and aneasthetising modern lifes are. DEATH TO CARTESIAN DUALISM.